It’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m terrified. I can’t sleep. My heart is beating noticeably faster than normal…panic. Don’t worry, the wife and kids are fine. It wasn’t a burglar or falling blue ice from an airplane’s toilet crashing through my roof that has me so worked up. It’s jeff and beneathrover…I don’t think they like me.
I am so pathetic. This is probably going to ruin my whole day. When the family wakes up I’m probably gonna be all crotchety. This sucks. I need the [ping].
Let me back up a bit. So yesterday we had Steve and Josh from stupidchurchpeople.com on the show. I love what they do on their blog/podcast and was all bubbly inside about the hook up. The interview thing went great and we linked to each other’s blogs. Steve even wrote up a blurb about being on Etcetera. He described us as their “tamer alter ego.”
“Who the fuck you calling tamer?” That’s the first thing that came to mind and I was eager to get a laugh from my new online friend Steve. So I, being the honesty addicted, approval craving, glutton for punishment that I am, commented on their blog. And I quote…
“Who the fuck you calling tamer? Had a great time today guys. Thanks for taking the time. Looking forward to more stupidetceterachurchpeople.”
This is where jeff and beneathrover come in. First jeff…
“Those etcetera folks are so 'edgy'...”
What!!???
Then beneathrover…
“wow, cussing is cool. and beer is too. if the twelve disciples only knew what they were missing. drinking micro-brew and swearing would have surely beat being executed. and all for that "church", quote/unquote, that we take for granite so much.”
Now I’m panicking. “They don’t understand. I’m not trying to be edgy…I’m just me. O crap…they think I cussed to try to be cool. They’re probably right. Not that I don’t cuss all the time, but I put it there in the context of ‘tamer.’ Shit. And what’s that about beer? Did I talk about beer? And what’s that about taking church for granted? Is that a commentary on the stuff I said on the show? O God…they think I’m stupid. I’m gonna die. But Steve and Josh pride themselves on cussing. They made a highlight real and everything. Wouldn’t their listeners get my tongue-in-cheek comment? Maybe they’re blinded by their love for Steve and Josh. Why, why, why did I post that? I’m so stupid. I wish I could take it back...
I JUST WANT JEFF AND BENEATHROVER TO LIKE ME!”
If you think I’m joking here, you have underestimated my capacity for narcissism. This will hurt all day long. Can you believe that I'm a 33 year old father of 3? I've probably made things worse by posting this.
God I'm sick. Maybe one day I'll believe that You love and accept me and this crap won't matter.
I gotta go get the kids ready for school and listen to reports from the Gulf Coast to get some perspective.
[ping]
It’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m terrified. I can’t sleep. My heart is beating noticeably faster than normal…panic. 
24 Comments:
You worry about people liking you? How very unusual... not.
Welcome to the human race. I wake up worried too, only for me it's about paying my bills and keeping my health insurance and my house. But if it weren't for that, I'd be worrying about what other people think about me.
I once heard a real nugget of wisdom (and this when I was in high school and was totally preoccupied with other's opinion of me): "Don't worry about what others are thinking about. Chances are, they're just worried about what you think about them."
A great man once said, "Whatever you think about me is exactly right, except that I'm much worse."
And that man was me.
So when ever anyone calls me on something stupid I did, I just think to myself, "Why did I do that?... Oh yeah, I'm evil." And I feel better. But maybe that's just me.
Don't worry about those reactionary jack-holes, Erik. They didn't know where you were coming from or anything worthwhile, they just reacted.
"And that man was me." lmfao!!!
C.
Visit Mr. Preacher
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Sorry, Jeff. It seems that the worm turns... it is I *audience gasps* who is the reactionary jack-hole.
Chad
No problem bro.
I really enjoyed the show with all you guys and SCP, and intend to continue listening (although, now I may have to call in just to harrass everyone... :)
From what I've read of beneathrover, I'm sure his comments were tongue-in-cheek also. In fact, I think most of the comments on SCP are tongue-in-somewhere...
later
:)
jeff and beneathrover,
I in no way meant my blog entry as some kind of slam. I’m sorry if it came across that way. I tend to be insecure and uptight (and at the same time I suffer from emotional turrets). I just blab on about my crap and it looks like my big mouth got me in trouble again.
This is all one big misunderstanding. So much for first impressions.
Again, I'm sorry. My post really was about me feeling like shit for coming across like an ass. And then of course I went on to stick it further into the mashed potatoes.
hey eric,
I like you.
(not in THAT way. not that there's anything wrong with that, just... er, um... I mean a man's gotta do... no. if i liked you THAT way i guess it'd be, well... um. Oh never mind!)
Sorry I called you an ass. It was for effect, not out of hostility :)
(I wanted to show you I could be 'edgy' & 'cool' too!!)
What does lmfao mean? Is that a slam? What did Chad mean by that? Life just doesn't make sense anymore! I'm going to go sit in the corner and cry.
No...seriously, Chad, what does that mean?
laughing my effing ass off. (-;
Cool!
Great. Now I'm obsessively checking the blog to see if you have said anything about me to let me know I am loved and accepted. Do you love ME? Am I okay?
I guess we are all pretty sick. Or completely normal.
And hey, how about that Melissa? Is she awesome or WHAT? That chick totally carried the show.
Hey Erik,
I have a question...
First of all, after re-reading your post, I realize that you weren't being sarcastic... you really felt bad about what you said on scp? Or at least felt bad about how you were perceived?
I'm curious... do we take our anonymous blogosphere relationships (or worse yet, our blog-selves) too seriously?
I think I do sometimes. That's why I went off on what I perceived you (& probably more so, Mr. Preacher)were saying about me... I didn't want to be perceived as a "reactionary jack-hole" or a thin-skinned guy who can't stomach the f-bomb (although It was difficult for me to put it in my reply. I don't use that word much...).
I dunno... I guess I'm posting this to let you know that my replies were apparent attempts at acceptance also... sorry.
I hope we can be friends, cuz I like the blog & I'll be hanging around here, some...
jeff,
Yo man. Yes, I did genuinely feel bad about what I posted...mainly because of how I perceived that my comment was perceived. But also because it was an honest reaction, that I felt in retrospect, should have been filtered.
That leads to the second question...
"I'm curious... do we take our anonymous blogosphere relationships (or worse yet, our blog-selves) too seriously?"
I'm addicted to honesty about who I am and how I'm feeling. I'm this way in person, on the internet, and on the podcast and radio show I do.
The upside of this is that when people accept me as a friend, they accept the real me...I love that freedom. It's too much work to pretend.
The downside is that when people reject me, it's the real me there too. It's scary sometimes to feel so vulnerable to that rejection.
For me, the upside out ways the downside. Not only do I experience freedom, my hope is that I give others permission to be free themselves.
All of this from a shaky understanding of God's love and unconditional acceptance. So, given this shaky foundation of mine, it still hurts...even if the pain comes only from fear of being misunderstood or rejected.
It's like C.S. Lewis said...
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
So I don't really have a blog-self. But yes...I take myself way too seriously.
e.
I take my friends seriously, hence the reaction, but I was a reactionary jack-hole. You're a cool guy Jeff. (-:
Erik,
I refuse to comment on your blog if for no other reason than you're becoming addicted to our comments - our pings - and I refuse to have anything to do with feeding your insecurites. So I absolutely resolve to not add any comments. It's for your own good. I'm serious about this. You might get the impression that we comment because we care - and then, what if there's no ping? Does that mean we don't care? So no comments from me. I'm not joining into that cycle. No sir-ee. (Oh, by the way... I do care - but I'm not going to feed you with comments).
From another 33 year-old screw up with 2 kids who has to sing Elvis Costello's "God Give Me Strength" every day before walking into work:
No comment.
Hey everyone....so I hope we have all had our group hug and I hope everyone is OK??
Geesh... sorry that SCP caused such a commotion.
For the record....Erik I loved your "who the "f" you calling tamer" comment at face value....it was very funny considering you aren't able to express yourself on ETC that way.
Jeff is cool and means no harm...Rover on the other hand...who the hell knows where he is coming from...but he always adds levity (and a little pychotic behavior) to the conversation.
If nothing else, SCP is always good for a high comment number on your blog so never hesitate to use us in that way.
Take care all.
Yeah... I'm a total blog-fake!
I get in these christian discussions with those who are disenfranchised or something... I'm not afraid to say 'damn' or 'ass', but I'm really nervous using phrases like 'get saved', 'closer to God' or 'my church'... for fear of the inevitable ass-chewing that comes with such 'religious' conversation.
I don't care if I'm labeled 'carnal', just don't label me 'christian'. How screwed up is that?!?
okay... now that I've confessed all this, I may no longer be 'fake', just 'dysfunctional'.
Bless you brothers. Your ministry is precious to my heart... (heehee)
Oh my friends... it is so good to read these posts.
Erik I like the vulnerable vibe.
I was speaking to someone about trying to find a mens group with real intimacy and no masks. Good luck he said.
It's hard to find. But you're pushing me closer to blurtting out some ugly shit that I keep hidden pretty well.
Cheers
i like you, and all mankind, but i also know that swearing is for the birds, and every bird sings to heaven, so really i have gone in a circle and am left confounded and just contridicted myself...
let me try again...
swearing and/or cursing and/or cussing is demonic, and demonic things are not ADDED onto perfection, but rather, they are a part of what was once perfect, and then, taken away, so therefore SIN is the VOID after perfection was ruined...
in other words: when sin entered Eden it wasn't a thing that was added onto that which was there already, rather, sin was the nothingness (given the name SIN) AFTER the perfection was chipped away...
so therefore cursing or drinking lotsa beer or any of those other SINS are not things we must sit and judge and shake our fingers at and/or fear taking part in, but rather, they are things that shouldn't interest us at all...
for that VOID which is sin isn't something that took the place of the missing piece, rather, it WAS the missing peice, and IS that piece (which isn't a piece at all since it's nothing), ie, the blank spot, or, the VOID, that was given the name SIN (and beer and swearing and what have you)
and so therefore:
we should all yawn at anything that isn't of that first perfect place, which was ruined because Eve was bored with Adam's flat neck, or something like that...
AND
what i am really saying is that all the things the world considers cool and what 'corny Christians' consider WICKED should not interest us for the same reason that
a saddle is unnecissary for the rider with a tamed horse.
(and i rule!
So beer in itself=sin? Or just drinking to much of it?
Without beer life would be a mistake! Screw music...gimme beer! (just kidding...maybe)
"I thank God for beer and burgandy by not drinking to much of them"
G.K. Chesterton
Well, what I think the Bible says is to "be not drunk on wine..."
It seems pretty obvious on the face of it that getting drunk doesn't serve us spiritually. Having said that, like I say in my profile... I love beer!
Love it, baby. I just don't drink like I used to.
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