Dry Stream Bed of Consciousness - [Erik]

Want to smoke…in gods country…fresca…gonna smoke myself to death.

Dreamers…I want to get together with the dreamers and large amounts of money. Why do I think it takes money to make dreams come true…is that true…is it…I feel disorganized…the sheep are scattered for lack of a shepherd…and money…or not. Maybe money is my god and I’ve left my first love…

I have to do something…need to change…I cant…I feel like I’m going to explode, so many ideas with no outlet…no time…no money…too busy making money to do what I want…I’m not special, I think I am but I’m not. Why should my ideas be put into action, maybe I should just accept it. Maybe I should stop doing everything that doesn’t make money…no more gatherings, no more podcast, no more radio show, no more aikido…just simplify…why am I burning myself out for these things…because they are what I care about, but why…why does it matter.

Panic, will it all get done…will it ever happen, do I just live in an imaginary world that I’m trying to force into reality. Its too much for me, what would happen if I just quit…I’d like to try being homeless…plastic bag strapped to my belt and reading books all day…going where I want when I want…no pressure.

God id like to have some good thoughts, why does all this depressing crap rattle around in my head all the time. Why don’t I talk to you more, why don’t I want to go to you when I know you’ve been a good place to go in the past, that you give rest…that its all so simple when I’m with you. Just knowing that everything is going to be alright. I want to be better, but being better is too hard. Maybe being homeless is better.