Scribbles from Solitude - [Erik]

Something snapped in me this year. I had hoped to do some healing during my vacation in Chicago.

I've had some time alone, and that's good, but most of it has been spent trying to solve the damn Rubik's Cube I got my daughters for Christmas. I screwed with the thing for two days before I finally looked at the directions. Even then, it took me an hour and a half before I got that strange joy that comes from lining up all the colors on that tactilely satisfying box.

Maybe there's a message from God in that, but I don't think so. He has been communicating in other ways though.

He spoke through Bob Marley. They have a great cable system up here with free on-demand concerts. Marley's ghost sent a message to me from the past...

"Every man thinketh his
Burden is the heaviest (heaviest).

Ya still mean it: who feels it knows it, lord.

Ya running and ya running
And ya running away.
Ya running and ya running
But ya cant run away from yourself."

The Lady in the Water said something about pool-nymphs and having a purpose and a place. Thich Nhat Hanh was on the Buddhist channel telling me to live in the now, embrace my pain, and to breath. Thomas Merton echoed and reinforced Thich Nhat Hanh with the following:

"Indeed the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture."

And finally, God just spoke through my wife after I once again put my son in time out for yelling while I was trying to write this. She said, "Will you quit punishing him for being a two year old. He just wants to play. Why don't you get your head out of your ass and come play with your children?"

All good stuff. I've got to go.

Fast-forwarding Through Life - [Erik]

Paisley and I were talking this weekend about how the daily stuff of life has become something to, “get over with as soon as possible.” We’ve become very task oriented. The dishes, the laundry, the clutter, preparation of meals, washing the car, getting the kids bathed and in bed…all these things are in the way. In the way of what, I’m not sure. But they must be done, and done efficiently so we can get on with it (whatever “it” is).

This mindset is like committing suicide little by little over the course of a lifetime. It’s a disdain for life. I’m afraid we’re on the way toward getting to the end of it all, looking back and asking, “What was that all about?” If we keep going the way we’re going, the answer will be, “I’m not sure, but we got it over with as soon as possible.”

It’s ironic that our family was asked to light the “Joy” candle in the Advent wreath at Church Sunday. All this efficiency doesn’t produce much joy. But we got through the service and out the door as soon as possible so we could get home and get the chores done as soon as possible. Paise had lots of stuff to do and a Christmas party to prepare for. I had yard work.

I was pulling weeds on the less-visible side of the house that I’ve neglected for months, when I sensed God whisper, “I’m here.” I told Him I was glad He reminded me. Then He said, “Look at the size of these weeds.” They had gotten so big, that they were easy to spot and remove. I could just grab them and yank them out of the ground…very efficient.

I saw this as a picture of how my inner life has been neglected. The results are obvious and the problem easy to identify. I’m not living, just killing time.

As I worked with Him in the yard, I got a taste of what all of life could be, communion with Him in the daily routine. Now if I could just get to consistently living that way as soon as possible.